Private PI
by Siderial
Summary: Meet Hirasawa Yui, a Private Detective with nothing left to lose. Enter Nakano Azusa, the femme fatale hellbent on ending her career. One-shot for an airhead's birthday!


**Private P.I.**

A/N: Now, before you say: "Herp derp, P.I's already 'Private Investigator', idiot", allow me to explain: It's a pun. Perhaps not a funny one, but it's pun nonetheless. Now that I've gotten that out of the way, happy birthday Yui! (It's the 27th where I am, so hah. Take this early fic, you slackers.)

Never thought I'd write a YuiAzu fic (since I'm camping in fort "Ritsu's a Pimp"), but I had a muse in the middle of the night and bam, this baby wrote itself.

I can't write serious fics for nuts. This is worrisome.

Disclaimer, since all the cool cats are doing it: I don't own K-On!

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><p>Half-lidded brown eyes stared at the ominous dark clouds releasing rain in torrents. They watched the relentless shower of projectiles haze the sky, aware from past experiences that the downpour wouldn't be letting up anytime soon. Growing bored, they shifted to scan the wet, gritty streets of downtown Tokyo. As per usual, the constant pitter patter of rain beating down on her windowsill reverberated in her small, but cozy, office. A minuscule smirk would settle on her face as she watched the occasional sad soul who forgot his umbrella get soaked in the miserable rain while trying to fight his way through the overcrowded streets. Schadenfreude, indeed.<p>

Sadly, it wasn't entertainment enough. Sighing, Hirasawa Yui closed her eyes and hummed. _Two on the dot. Time for lunch. _She directed her gaze towards the wall mounted clock and nodded. Her senses were never off.

_Three, two, on-_ Bright light engulfed the room as her door creaked open, revealing a busty blonde that Yui might've mistaken as an angel had she not known her since High School. She snorted at the thought, however, as soon as the beauty waltzed into her room with an unconscious sway in her hips. _Angel, heh. Not with what we had to go through. Perhaps in another lifetime. _

Her eyes trained intently on the box the voluptuous woman held as she casually approached the brooding investigator. The click-clack of high heels clashed sharply against the soothing sound of rain Yui had grown content with. She grimaced.

"You should leave the heels out. They don't suit you, no matter what everyone else might think, _ojou-sama._" the brunette mentioned offhandedly. The regal newcomer smirked in reply.

"You're one to talk. The brooding persona doesn't suit you either."

Clothes rustled as Yui shrugged.

The blonde shook her head with a sigh, placing the box – which now released a heavenly aroma that permeated the previously dreary room, filling Yui's world with colour – on her desk, before leaving the room.

As she was about to cross the threshold, she heard a faint whisper.

"Thank you, Mugi-chan."

Kotobuki Tsumugi nonchalantly flicked her wrist in response, before shutting the door. As she was vacating the premises, a smile stretched across her face.

_Perhaps there's hope for you yet, Yui-chan._

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><p>Yui delicately lifted a slice of cream pie onto her plate, setting it neatly on her desk before she darted over to her coffee machine for a hot cup of Joe. It wasn't the luxurious tea she used to frequently indulge in, but one half of a whole was a good trade, considering the harsh world they lived in.<p>

Setting herself daintily onto her chair (which squeaked regardless, considering how old and overused it was), Yui mumbled her thanks before ravenously digging into her treat. It wasn't so much a routine as it was a ritual; the only thing that Hirasawa Yui had left from her previous life, anchoring her to the ground. She had been warned countless times by clients, acquaintances and Mugi (because the way she saw it, the regal blonde was the only person she could call a friend) that her habit of inhaling at least one whole plate of desserts daily would kill her sooner or later.

The detective had stopped caring years ago.

It was why she took up this job, wasn't it? She was feeling empty, and only had food to fill the void in her heart after her family was brutally taken away in a car crash. She used the inheritance left behind to move to another city and started what happened to be a self-destructive path of self-pity and overindulgence.

She had thought at one point in her life that there was salvation. A kindly old man had adopted her after she had spent all her money and was out begging on the streets for sweets. He taught her the tricks of the trade, and showered her with affection. For a moment, she felt light. Surely there was no way the geezer would leave her; he was old, but he was full of spunk.

And then one day she woke up to find herself with a new title, new office, and picking up the pieces of her now twice shattered heart.

Yui licked the cream off her plastic fork subconsciously, as if hoping the sugary treat would mend her wounds. It didn't. It never did.

_Everyone has to die sometime. Why bother fighting fate?_

The rhythmic knocking at her door jolted the brunette out of her thoughts. Eyes darted to the clock to find it was already four. Glancing at the now half-eaten pie, her brown orbs narrowed. She had been thinking too much. Thinking too much, and eating too little. Letting a small hiss pass through her chapped lips at the blunder, she cleared her throat and was about to respond when light burst into her room, blinding her for a moment. But not before she caught the vague outline of the newcomer.

_Now I know that's not Mugi. She's too short, not curvy enough. _

The click-clack of high heels resounded in the office, harmonising with the light drizzle of rain still tapping away. The door clicked shut, allowing Yui to regain her bearings. She tried to fake nonchalance with her previously squinted eyes, training them on the stranger in hopes that she would think it was the detective's way of interrogation. Judging from the snort, she failed miserably.

It didn't detract from the stranger's stunning beauty, however. If anything, the graceful – yet humble – action made her more endearing. She was short, shorter than most Japanese girls even, only standing at what Yui's keen eye estimated around 4"11 feet. Nevertheless, she could rival Mugi with how many heads she could turn, Yui was certain. Her toned legs, while not the longest, were accentuated by the slinky black dress that clung to her soft curves and drew attention to very feminine features.

While most would call it a shame that a beige trench coat (similar to her own, now that Yui thought about it) covered most of her body, the brunette couldn't help but notice herself be further attracted to the female. _Very classy. _

The woman's sharp, piercing red eyes and full pouty lips made alarms in the recesses of Yui's mind blare. This girl was dangerous, judging from the mysterious, but confident air about her. Waves of luscious black hair that were tied into two adorable pigtails detracted from it though, giving the detective a false sense of security... and familiarity. And her senses were never off.

The investigator almost furrowed her brows, but stopped just in time. Can't show a trace of emotion. All part of the game in this business. She brushed off the feeling, ignoring the warning signs for the first time in her life since the accident. Yui quirked an eyebrow at the stunning woman who had stopped in front of her table while she was busy examining her physique.

"Like what you see?" So she was feisty. The brunette wasn't sure if she liked that or not.

"What do you want?" Yui grunted, feeling agitated by the bold presence of the beauty for reasons unbeknownst to her.

The stranger shrugged in response. "I need to help someone."

Frustration was quickly starting to settle in. Yui controlled her breathing and replied, "I can't help you if you don't tell me who it is."

The shorter female leaned over the table, close enough that Yui could detect the faint trace of strawberry. Her gaze unconsciously directed itself to the girl's cleavage, before lazily sliding up to meet what now looked like orange-tinted brown orbs. _How curious._

The girl only smirked and taunted, "But you know who it is, Yui-_senpai_."

Brown eyes widened as Yui jerked back in shock. "Azusa?"

Azusa looked at Yui, disappointment prevalent in her eyes. "Have I really changed so much so that you can't recognise me anymore?" She let a soft "tsk" escape her mouth.

The brunette only looked away at the admonishment. Yes. Her favourite kouhai had changed in the recent years. She was always serious, always mature. But she was never... sultry. Never deadly. _It's like the house cat suddenly grew a pair of balls – or perhaps breasts, in Azusa's case – and morphed into a goddamn panther. _

Engrossed in her thoughts, she didn't catch Azusa walking behind the desk until the soft clacks of her heels – still rhythmic with the rain outside, she vaguely registered – stopped and small, warm hands gently massaged her shoulders. As Yui lifted her head slightly and allowed her eyes to flutter shut in content at the familiar but vastly spicier scent of her junior, a haughty, yet deliciously saucy, voice rang clear, "Or perhaps you're just going blind. I heard diabetes can do that to you."

The temperature in the room dropped.

Surprisingly strong hands kept her from bolting up. Yui settled for squeezing her eyes shut. "I don't have diabetes, Nakano." _Yet. _The unspoken word echoed forebodingly in the room.

Turning her head to look at Azusa, who now donned a condescending expression, Yui sneered and hissed out, "Why the hell are you here? Come to mock me? Or perhaps yo-"

She felt and saw slender arms detract. Azusa folded them under her chest, unintentionally accentuating already full breasts, an action that made the detective curse under her breath.

"The better question is, what are _you _doing?" Azusa drawled, before her tone went sharp, "You left us, Yui. You left _me._ Do you know how fucking worried I was?"

Yui only cringed at the curse that left her innocent (or is it previously innocent now? Considering the bombshell she's turned into, Yui could only simmer at the thought of someone else touching Azusa's body) kouhai's lips. She sunk into her chair in guilt, resenting the squeaky sound more than ever.

Azusa only snorted again at the defeated motion. "I don't even know why I still put up with you, senpai."

The brunette stood and slammed a fist onto the table. "So why don't you just leave?" Yui snapped.

Startled by the loud noise, Azusa jumped a bit, before slapping her senior harshly across the face. They stood there, seething at one another.

The oppressive atmosphere reached its crescendo and shattered.

Azusa grabbed Yui's face. The investigator could only register a stinging pain on her left cheek that burned where Azusa's hand settled. _They're still as small as ever._ The kouhai's enraged expression and animalistic snarl quickly jolted her out of her reverie.

"You don't think I've tried? I've tried forgetting you, Yui, only to have one thing or another slap me in the face as I'm just about to move on to remind me that I fucking miss you, and I need you, god dammit. So don't you dare run away from me now. Not when I've just found you again. I am not letting you get away this time. I _will_ save you."

The passionate speech was but a buzz to Yui as she was more captivated by the beautiful black-haired woman's intense orbs that seared her soul. She looked down in a daze, and was enraptured by the female's soft, delicate looking lips.

In her stupor, Yui muttered, "I wonder what they taste like, Azu-nyan."

The familiar nickname sent shivers down Azusa's spine. Gazing at where Yui's line of sight ended, Azusa only smirked and whispered tantalizingly, "Why don't you find out?"

They drew closer to one another, their hot breaths fanning each other's faces, mimicking the sweet caress of a lover. As their lips touched–

* * *

><p>"YOWCH!" Ritsu yelped, shattering the fantasy. A fresh bump sizzled on her head.<p>

Mio stood over her, face red hued, fist still cocked as she shouted, "What was that?"

Ritsu pouted at the response. "I'd like to see you come up with a better suggestion, Mio-chan! It told the Keionbu story perfectly!"

"How did that cheap drama turn _borderline amateur porn_ reflect what the club stands for in any way?" Mio cried out disbelievingly.

Mugi had a faraway look in her eyes as she whispered breathily, "Who knew Ricchan was such a literary genius?"

Ritsu grinned roguishly at the compliment. "See! Mugi likes it!" She waved Mio's question off haughtily. "Simple. We constantly eat treats and the room's always brimming with UST!"

Mio, having calmed herself enough, asked cautiously, "What's UST?"

"Unresolved Sexual Tension." Ritsu stated matter-of-factly with a nod of the head.

Mio lashed out with another punch, screaming, "You just want us to participate in your sick fantasies, you pervert!"

Ritsu yelped again, before turning at Mio with wide eyes. "You weren't even in the scene! What are you so upset about?"

This stopped Mio. Her eyes began to tear up as she asked, "Yes... Why wasn't I? N-not that I want to be, but... Am I not pretty enough?"

Panicked, Ritsu shouted out the first thing that came to mind, intent on stopping what she knew would degrade into Mio's self-pity fest. "No, you're very pretty! Gorgeous even!" Slapping a hand over her mouth at the slip, she saw Mio's head dart up in shock at her admission.

Figuring there was no point in holding back any longer, she hesitated before continuing shakily. "I just... didn't want to put you in a position you weren't comfortable with. I know you aren't comfortable with more," Here, she gesticulated her hand trying to find the right word. "sensual scenes."

Fully aware that Azusa probably wouldn't be interested in the sexual overtones either, but hearing the president admit she made an exception for _her_, Mio looked at Ritsu – who was now scratching her neck sheepishly – with admiration.

Their eyes met, before their faces flushed beet red. They averted their sights from each other.

Mugi turned away from the scene, before turning back, revealing her nose now clogged with tissues.

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><p>Meanwhile, on the other side of the table sat Yui and Azusa. The former had donned a thoughtful countenance, while Azusa looked flustered.<p>

"Wha-what kind of pervert is Ritsu-senpai?" Azusa stuttered. She turned to Yui for an answer, only to notice the airhead already staring at her with a decisively solemn expression.

"Yui-senp-"

She was cut off with a swift kiss.

_Thump._

The distracted trio snapped their heads towards the two protagonists of Ritsu's fiction and noticed Azusa passed out, the girl's upper body sprawled out on the table. They directed their gaze to Yui, who wore a contemplative look.

"Ara, what happened?" Mugi's concerned question was muffled slightly by the wads of now bloody tissue paper jammed up her nostrils.

Yui ignored the question and looked Ritsu dead in the eye.

"Tastes like diabetes."

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><p>AN: Eeyup, this takes place in Season 2, Episode 25.

So yes, somewhat of a play on your average Film Noir sequence. But instead of tobacco or hard alcohol, our Private PI (get it now, 'pie'? God I'm TERRIBLE) indulges in other activities.

Yui's last line is but a reference to a trope, since YuiAzu can get ridiculously saccharine. It's not supposed to be offensive in any way, I'm just trying to relay the fact that Yui thinks Azusa's lips are very, _very_, sweet, and that if the treats don't kill her, odds are Azusa will. Not that she minds.

For the brainchild of a 1AM water run, I'm quite content with this fic. It kind of got out of hand. (WAY more serious than originally intended. This was supposed to be almost crack in nature; Azusa had your usual 40s' dame accent, Yui was a detective for desserts, etc. But I felt that Mio would've cut it off way before it ever got to its pinnacle if that's the case.) The little plot holes left behind show that Ritsu was nowhere _near _the end of her story, if you know what I mean.

Come to think of it, this would've probably turned out to be a decent serious, multi-chaptered fic. Shame. Ah well, can't change the past. Reviews are greatly appreciated! I'd love to hear how I could improve myself.


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